Blameless
by RubberSoulRevolver
Summary: Jesse isn't the only one to blame in the end. Rachel had her faults in their split. Rachel runs into Jesse and he lets her know that she has to take some of the blame for how they ended. This takes place in April 2011, so AU Season 2.


**This is a quick one-shot. Inspired by the fact that Jesse gets the short end of the stick even by St. Berry shippers. I hope you enjoy it as I don't really know if I like it that much!

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It was the curls and the black leather jacket that caught her eye as she runs her hands over the spines of fiction novels. Rachel would recognize the ashy brown colour and the worn black leather anywhere. She quietly makes her way across the carpeted floor of the Barnes and Noble in the direction she saw what was definitely Jesse go. She peers around the corner of the shelf and watches as he picks off film books from the shelf and flips through them before replacing them. She sees that the sun of LA has done him good; he's even better looking than before if that is even possible. She quickly throws out those thoughts for ones that demand his immediate grovelling at her feet. She follows him as he moves onto painting, before settling on photography. She watches as he picks a book up and pauses.

"You know it would be easier to just say hello, rather than stalking me through the store." Jesse says turning to the girl. "Rachel."

"Jesse." Rachel returns with the coldest tone she can muster. "What are you doing home? I thought you would be enjoying the sun in Los Angeles?"

"I'm done for the year and I'm here to celebrate my uncle's 35th birthday." Jesse answers her. Hiding his shock at seeing her, his pent up anger, aggression and love as well. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to pay for my Uncle's gift."

He turns away from Rachel and starts heading toward the check out. Rachel breathes in heavily; angry that this was the only interaction she was going to have with the boy who broke her.

"What the heck? Don't you have anything to say to me?" Rachel almost shouts.

Jesse freezes he knows she is fishing for an apology, one she certainly deserves, but he can't make this only about her. He was hurt too; maybe more so than her with no one waiting in the wings to help pick up the pieces of his broken heart. He's mostly repaired it, but still she needs to admit her own faults that helped create the ruins that remained of their brief time together.

He turns and fixes his blue eyes on Rachel, he can see the anger in her face but he isn't going to play into her little game.

"What would you like me to say Rachel?" He questions, wanting to hear from her that she wants that apology.

Rachel fights the urge to stamp her foot and instead bite out, "How about apologizing for last year, for breaking my heart, for being an all around jack-"

"For being a jackass?" Jesse asks, his anger coming to the surface. Followed quickly by the guilt that still eats at him because of his actions last spring. "I am sorry Rachel. I'm sorry that I turned you into an omelette on your school grounds and for hurting you. But don't act blameless in what happened between us, you aren't the innocent victim."

Rachel's brow furls and her brown eye flicker into hate.

"Excuse me? How am I to blame?" Rachel asks, her voice an angry whisper. "It was you who betrayed me and my trust, you weren't ever fully invested in the relationship."

With this Jesse's eyes focus on her but they are cold and unfeeling. Rachel steps back as Jesse finally unleashes all that had been festering under his skin ever since he had walked away from Regionals with the gold trophy in his hands.

"If anyone wasn't invested in the relationship it was you Rachel. Sure I may not have started up with you for the right reasons, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't committed to you, that I didn't feel anything for you." Jesse spits out. "Why do you think I was so furious at that video? It hurt to be betrayed like that, with two inferior guys. I had actually developed feelings for you and you disregarded them for your own popularity. Where was your investment during that time? The thing though that hurt the most though was it wasn't just you and I in that relationship. It was me, you and your need to make Hudson jealous. Don't think I didn't hear about the whole Jessie's girl incident and how you did nothing to stop it. What did you like the attention you were getting from your first choice of guy? I also heard about how you told Hudson you slept with me. Which can only be explained as your need to see how he would react, did he pass your test? Show the proper amount of jealousy so you could rest assured that if we spilt there would be someone waiting in the wings. How long did it take for you to be in the oaf Hudson's arms after I left? A week maybe two?"

Jesse questions and Rachel gapes at him, her mouth opening and closing, and no sound escaping. Jesse scoffs at Rachel's lack of response to his accusations.

"Nothing to say to that Rachel? But there you go. I wasn't the only one who failed in this relationship." Jesse finishes, the anger drained from his voice.

Rachel stares at the man before her and sees the resignation in Jesse's eyes. She's still reeling from what Jesse unleashed on her and she acts without thinking. She reaches her hand out to place it on Jesse's sleeve.

"Don't Rachel." Which freezes Rachel's movement. "Goodbye."

Jesse brushes past Rachel and leaves the store. Rachel stands for a few moments, tilting her head back in an effort to stop the tears spilling down her cheeks. She knows what Jesse said was true. She had done things to see if she could make Finn jealous. She hadn't stopped him from flirting with her when she had still been with Jesse and she knows that she had always had her doubts and that was why she kept Finn waiting in the wings.

As she leaves the store Rachel knows that she has to apologize for what she did as well. She only hopes that she will have the courage to get in contact with Jesse. She's passing through the parking lot when she recognizes his license plate and can see his outline through the window. She steels herself and marches up to the driver's side door and loudly knocks on the window.

Hearing the jarring sound Jesse turns to face whoever is disturbing his quiet rage. Seeing that it's Rachel he gives her a scowl and turns back to stare out of the windshield.

"Open the door Jesse! I have something to say." Rachel yells, but Jesse ignores her. "Please Jesse, just listen to what I have to say and then you can go back to your life that doesn't include any thought of me."

Jesse lets out a scoff and shakes his head. Most of his thoughts since leaving have been thoughts that Rachel has been infused into. Thoughts ranging from love to hate, from tender to x-rated. He pulls the handle and opens the door, waiting for Rachel to step back so he can step out of the black car. He knows the minute his feet hit the pavement he is going to apologize to her, sincerely this time. His anger mostly faded now that he has said what has been plaguing his heart.

"Rachel… " He starts but she cuts him off.

"Wait, let me get this out first." Rachel takes a deep breath. "You're right. I'm not – I wasn't blameless in what happened between us. And I am sorry for that. I did make that video without any regard for your feelings and how it would look to you. I also never whole-heartedly stopped Finn's advances towards me, it was wrong of me but I liked the fact that Finn finally wanted me and even though I had you it was like a craving."

Rachel takes a pause before she has to finish what she needs to say. She looks into Jesse's eyes and sees the conflicting emotions that play there, the rest of his countenance not betraying his inner thoughts.

"As for having Finn waiting in the wings. Yes he was there and I think that I kept him there because I was always a little wary of why someone like you would choose someone like me. So I kept him there to stop the hurt when this," Rachel gestures between them, "would come to an end. And that's what he did, he stopped the hurt, until he couldn't and he started to make me hurt, make me doubt who I am."

Jesse's eyes snap up in anger at hearing that Finn has been making hurt. He knows that he hurt Rachel with his actions, but he had never made her doubt herself or her talent, he had encouraged her and tried to get her to see that he dreams would come true.

"Then why him?" Jesse questions, because he needs to know.

"Because he was popular and he was the only other person who chose me. The thing is though he didn't really choose me, not really. He was never that happy to be seen in public with me, he never stood up for me and since February he's picked Quinn over me." Rachel says and Jesse reaches out to lay his hand on her shoulder. The warmth of his palm through her spring coat allows Rachel to finish her apology.

"I am sorry Jesse. I'm sorry for the way that I treated you and for my part in driving us apart." With that Rachel turns to leave, but Jesse's hand on her wrist stops her.

"Rachel. Thank you." He whispers, "And I am sorry again. I shouldn't have given into my team and egged you. That act haunts my memory and I need you to know that I have yet to forgive myself for that. And I am sorry for just abandoning you without a proper goodbye. What we had was flawed, but it had its moments of genuine love and I miss it, I miss you Rach."

Rachel smiles at the use of her nickname and at Jesse's heartfelt apology because looking back over the past year she had missed him too.

"I've missed you too Jesse."

"Do you want to come back in with me? I forgot to pay for the gift and then maybe we can grab a coffee? Catch up?"

"Sure."

The pair realize that this is the start of something new and a repairing of something old and though it doesn't have the romance of their first meeting, it more than made up for it in drama.


End file.
